Lifting each other

Today Lily and I went to the pool with some friends.  One of the other women who we went with mentioned to me that she has been reading my blog.  Then another of the women said she has been too.  I was instantly embarrassed.  Then one told me that she had had similar self-image problems and disordered eating when she was younger.  My other friend said she always has had these issues.  These are woman that I genuinely admire and want to emulate in many ways, and I was shocked.   Maybe I shouldn't have been, but these two woman are just so comfortable with themselves and self-confident that it never entered my mind that they might struggle with some of the issues that I do. 

It made me wonder how so many beautiful, talented, intelligent, and amazing people can have such huge confidence issues and such unhealthy relationships with food.  I've always thought that if only I could be skinnier, prettier, less socially awkward, more outgoing, etc., then I would be happy and confident and just better.  But if these two friends of mine who are beautiful and talented and smart and funny and outgoing have struggled with self-hatred, then there is a fundamental flaw in that thought process that I have had for much of my life.  If I always need something just out of reach to make me happy, I will never be happy.

The purpose of this blog is for me to live a healthier lifestyle.  Weight is not an indicator of either mental, emotional, or physical health.  I find myself getting frustrated because I haven't seen any results yet.  I know it hasn't even been two weeks yet, but I can't seem to help it.  But my size does not determine my health.  If I make smarter decisions when it comes to what I put in my body and I get regular exercise, I will be physically healthy regardless of my size.  And this blog is about health, not weight.  I am soft, I have big arms that I've hated for as long as I can remember, I have a huge ass and wide hips.  But I will love myself.  I will, someday, be able to look in the mirror and, flaws and all, love what I see and who I am.  But after today I realized there is something else I need to do.  I need to support the wonderful women around me.  I have to uplift them and tell them how amazing they are.  Because we all have our struggles and we all need encouragement.  So I am adding that to my goals for this blog.  I want to remember that there are others that need encouragement and acceptance and permission to forgive themselves just as much as I do.  I will try to remember that as I go throughout my day and provide those things where and if I can.

Today I ate:

8 ounce green smoothie
1.5 pancakes (made with eggs, bananas, and oats. Lily loved them, even without sugar and flour)
2 cups of coffee
2 fish tacos
Watermelon
10 almonds

Exercise:

30 minutes on the elliptical machine
45 minutes on the stationary bike