Forgive the radio silence

I haven't been to this blog in two weeks.  It has been three weeks since I broke my toe and two weeks since I last attempted exercise.  A few weeks ago I had the brilliant idea that, since it was just a silly toe, a broken bone couldn't keep me from dance trance.  Not my brightest moment, I'll confess.  Afterward I was in so much pain that I could barely walk for two days.  Then, once I could again put weight on my foot, I had another equally brilliant idea.  I figured that a broken toe wouldn't stop me from exercising.  I would just be on the stationary bike.  So I went in flip flops (because putting on running shoes was so painful I broke out in a cold sweat and wanted to cry) and worked through the horrible pain for about twenty minutes.  Then I cried uncle and admitted that this stupid toe was going to keep me from my normal workouts for a bit.

It took a bit over three weeks, and I did lots of crunches and push-ups (the modified kind, 'cause I'm super cool that way), but I finally feel able to do a little cardio again.  Yesterday I went to two dance trance classes and a spin class.  By the end of the last dance trance class, I'll admit that my foot was starting to ache a bit, but it wasn't the awful, shooting-up-my-entire-calf pain that I'd felt the last time I tried it.  This morning that foot is a bit more sore that usual, but it is bearable.  And I got in three hours of cardio yesterday, which felt really good after being a blob for three weeks.

So I'm back, and you will be sick of me in no time.  I have been thinking about my goals and my reasons for writing this blog in my time off and I've decided that I won't be posting everyday.  I'm going to shoot for two times a week (Friday will still be my picture day, but please be kind this Friday as I haven't worked out in three weeks).  Sometimes I will post more, if I'm feeling the need to share.  But I will at least post twice a week.

I want to take a moment today, before I post my food and exercise for the day, to thank a friend of mine.  While I wasn't able to do cardio, I'd started skipping meals.  I didn't consciously say I wasn't going to eat, but when I went to eat I would think, "I'm not going to be able to work any of this off today, so I don't even want to eat it."  The result was that I was only eating once a day, and usually something like a yogurt.  A friend that saw me everyday called me out on it and it wasn't until she did that I realized what I was doing and started eating normally again.  So thanks to her for reading this blog and understanding my issues and caring enough to say something to me.

Today I ate:

 

8 ounce green smoothie (I've started adding flax seed to my smoothies because I was reading about all the benefits of it.  Apparently, Constantine was so sold on the health benefits that he required people to eat it daily.)
Apple
8 ounce green smoothie
3 cookies (flour, sugar, and butter-free; recipe to follow)
Pork tenderloin with sweet potatoes and Spinach blue cheese salad

Exercise:

45 minutes stationary bike
20 minutes elliptical machine

Chocolate Chip Cookies

2 cups almond meal

1/4 teaspoon  salt

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 bag of carob chips

7 figs (1/2-2/3 cup) pits removed

2 large eggs

1 cup coconut oil

3/4 cup of coconut sugar

Picture day...a few days late



Hectic schedules lead to slacking bloggers.  Instead of promising not to miss anymore days blogging only to miss the very next day, how about I just say right now that the next three weeks are going to be sporadic at best.  I don't want to have one more thing I feel guilty about not keeping up with this month.

 

Have you ever heard that phrase (coined, I believe, by a svelte, size negative 10 model) that no cookie tastes better than skinny feels?  I've actually heard it, or variations of the theme, a lot from well meaning and good hearted people since I started this blog.  Don't get me wrong, I love advice.  I started this blog to stay motivated and get encouragement and advice.  Besides, a person doesn't lay all their problems out on the proverbial table without expecting some advice (some well-meaning, some not).  Or if they don't, they are stupid.  My problem is with how widespread this particular vein of thought is in our culture.  The idea that if you just work hard enough or have enough willpower you will look like Kate Moss (or whoever this quote originated from).  That just is not true for several reasons and trying to force yourself to live by this faulty mantra is a recipe for disaster.

 

This idea that, while your food indulgence would only taste good for a moment, being thin would make you happy for the rest of your life is simply not true.  First of all, let me tell you that whoever said this originally has never had a really good cookie.  Because let me tell you, if it is a good cookie, it is totally worth it.  But putting that unhealthy logic aside, laying all your happiness on being thin is dangerous.  Because  then you become obsessed with food.  Did I eat too much for breakfast?  How many calories were those three croutons I accidentally ate with my salad at lunch?  I'm really hungry; would it hurt me that much if I just grabbed a snickers bar from the gas station?  Crap, I ate a snickers bar.  I can't eat for the rest of the day!  On and on it goes, ALL DAY LONG!  I know this because this was my life for years.

 

Why am I bringing this up now?  Well, we recently celebrated Independence Day.  And celebrations seem to center around food.  In the past I would have starved myself and resented all the other revelers as they gorged themselves on holidays goodies.  But this year, I partook.  And I don't feel guilty.  As I am looking at my weekly pictures, I don't really think my body suffered much, if anything, from the temporary indulgence.  And making those memories and enjoying the day with my family was worth more to me - and made me happier - than being skinny ever could.  So while I did fall off the healthy eating bandwagon this week, I can't bring myself to regret it.  I enjoyed myself and I know that I will be eating healthy again all this week and the weeks to come until the next family holiday.  And I'm okay with that.

 

So, without further ado, here are my weekly pictures.  I still look the same, I think, as I did that first week.  Some day soon, I hope I start seeing a difference.  But at least I know I am living a healthier lifestyle.  So if I look like this for the rest of my life, as long as I keep living as I am now, I will be healthy.  That is enough.  At least today.  I can't promise I won't look at these pictures tomorrow and spiral into a horrid depression over my obesity.



 

 

 

 

Today I ate:

 

2 Banana muffins (no flour, no sugar, no oil)

1 egg

1 cup of chili

 

 

(I have been battling a cold all weekend, so I haven't much felt like eating.  I promise, this is not normal)

 

Exercise:

 

1 hour on the stationary bike

 

I had thought that I could sweat out my cold by not skipping my workout (plus, I'd already missed two workouts last week).  Turns out, it worked (sort of).  I feel a bit better and hopefully will sleep really well tonight.  But with the cold and my broken pinkie toe, I didn't work as hard as normal.  I only went about 14 miles.  I'll do better tomorrow, right?

Neglectful journalist

I feel horrible.  This week has been so insanely busy that I haven't had two seconds to sit and jot down a blog post since Tuesday.  Normally, I am a (mostly) stay at home mom.  I do work from home, but my hours are few, most of the time.  I also recently started working very part time away from home, but again, my hours are few.  Because of this (and my amazing husband who works hard so that I can do this), I fill my days with homeschool, cleaning, baking, and making just about everything we eat from scratch.  This month, however, I have been doing art at a drama summer camp for kids Monday through Friday.  I have also been trying to do everything else that I normally do in a day.  By Wednesday, I gave up most of it.  This blog included.  I just can't fit in 20 + hours in a day in without going insane.  I need sleep more than I need a clean kitchen.  It will be clean again in August.

Unfortunately, this means I have neglected my daily journaling.  It also means I didn't have time for a picture today, so my weekly picture will have to come tomorrow.

How have I done during my blog hiatus?  Well, good and bad.  I went to Dance Trance on Wednesday (good), but skipped the gym yesterday, since it was Independence Day and I wanted to celebrate a bit with family (bad, but understandable).  Then I missed today because I chose instead to have a much-needed (and scarcely acquired) girls' night out with two of my favorite women.  Wednesday I ate perfectly.  Yesterday, apart from a chili dog eaten in commemoration of the holiday, I ate well.  Today, however, was an entirely different story.  It was the day of the show for camp, so I didn't have time to eat until around 4:30 (bad, bad, BAD).  Then I ate a salad with some steak and onions on the top (not too bad).  Then a friend asked if I could go out for a bit.  I then proceeded to have a beer, a glass of wine, and a plate of delicious, fried, battered fishy goodness that was entirely NOT good for me.  But it was delicious and came with good conversation.  I just got home and as it is just after 11:00 p.m. and I am sufficiently stuffed on fried goodness, going to the gym is out at this point.  So today was a failure.  But not entirely, as I did get to have some time with my girls  AND we had a very successful first show of the month.

Here is what I promise for tomorrow:  1) I will not eat a single thing that is on my "unhealthy" list;  2) I will go to Dance Trance in the morning; and 3) I will go to the gym for at least one hour.

I'm going to be honest and say that I might miss Dance Trance.  During the show today I am fairly certain I broke my little toe.  It is excruciatingly painful when I touch it and it has numbed.  I also have not been able to bend it since it happened.  It could be broken, or just badly bruised.  Either way, dancing may be difficult.  I will, however, give it my best attempt.  I will also post my weekly picture a week late (this may be a continuing thing for the month of July, as I don't see myself having time on Fridays until after summer camps are finished).

Today I ate:

Salad with steak and caramelized onions
1 bottle of Red stripe
1 glass of wine
1/2 plate of fried tilapia over chorizo and shrimp

Jamie and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day!

Boy-yo, was I ever trying to make excuses today.  I fell asleep right after work again (probably because I stay up all night preparing for the art projects the next day.  I never considered all of the preparation time required for a job like this when I took it.  It is fun, but exhausting.).  While I slept, Ernie went to Whaddaburger (sp?) to pick up some dinner.  Now, keep in mind that I have never kept things on hand in our kitchen that are particularly easy to fix (other than fruit).  Everything requires preparation.  I do that intentionally.  About three years ago I realized that everything we ate was basically crap and was causing us to die slowly (I jest...sort of).  So I decided to make as much from scratch as I could to limit my family's intake of processed foods.  But Ernie, who was trying to be a good husband and let me sleep (which I appreciate), doesn't cook.  So he ran and got dinner, again trying to be helpful.  And yes, I ate a cheeseburger.  I think I kind of hate myself just a little for giving into temptation.  I've done so well up until now (3 whole weeks, wow.  Yep, I suck).  The only thing in my favor is that I took off the top bun (not the bottom bun, because I didn't see how to eat it without making a mess.  Because, you know, I don't own any forks or knives or anything.  Again, I suck.)  And you know what?  It wasn't even good.  I could have whipped up a smoothie in five minutes and it would have tasted better and been healthier than that stupid cheeseburger.  See?  I told you I suck!

So here I sat, tired, cranky, and pissed at myself for eating the damned cheeseburger.  And I really, really didn't want to go to the gym.  I made every excuse I could think of.  I had to wake up early.  I had a lot to do to get ready for tomorrow's art classes.  I was still tired.  I had to go to the store to get some supplies for a last-minute change another teacher asked me to make in my lesson plans.  But then I thought about writing this post.  I thought about how much angrier I would be if I ate the cheeseburger and skipped the gym.  So I dragged my butt to the car, telling myself I would only do a half-assed workout and pat myself on the back.  But once I got started, my dragging sleepiness vanished and I attacked that workout.  I feel better now (though I am still kicking myself about whaddaburger) and I'm really glad I decided to go.  I had to drag myself kicking and screaming, but I went.  At least the day isn't a complete loss.

Today I ate:

8 ounce green smoothie
2 cups of coffee
Crudité plate
1/2 of a PB&J sandwich
Cheeseburger (sans top bun.  Gotta put that awful little justification in there.)
Plain yogurt with raisins and honey

Exercise:

30 minutes (3 miles) on the treadmill
30 minutes (8 miles) on the stationary bike

Changes are scary

Today I started my first summer camp.  I am doing the art portion of a drama summer camp and if today was any indication, it is going to be so much fun.  But it does make for a hectic schedule.  I did okay as far as what I ate, considering I only had five minute windows to scarf something down a few times throughout the day.  But I missed my normal three hour cardio schedule for Monday.  I was up late preparing (and I'll be honest, just full of excited adrenaline), so I only got about 5 hours of sleep last night.  I was fine until I got home this afternoon.  As soon as I sat down, I promptly fell asleep.  And slept through my spin class and my first dance trance class.  I did make it to one hour of dance trance, which felt good.  I'm glad I pulled my bleary-eyed self to the class, because I am certain I would have felt much more run down had I not gotten in a workout today.

It is going to be an adjustment, having work in healthy eating and exercise around a busier schedule.  I've been worried about it ever since I started this blog.  But I can do it.  I will try to fit in some gym time right after summer camp, that way I don't have to go home and get sleepy, then try to motivate myself to go out again.  If I get it out of the way, I can go home and prepare for the next day and go to bed early.  Hopefully it works out that way.  Change is hard, especially when I'm only just getting used to my new dietary changes.  I am comfortable with those changes as long as I am home.  But I am always nervous when I know I won't be home.  With all the crappy food out there, it isn't easy to maintain a healthy diet when you are out and about in the world.  So far I've been able to do okay.  Not stellar, but okay.  I'm going to have to really work on preparing more when I know I will not be home, that way I have fewer slip ups.

Today I ate:

8 ounce green smoothie
PB&J sandwich
Watermelon
1 chocolate chip cookie
6 ounce green smoothie

Exercise:

1 hour Dance Trance class

Just keep moving

This is going to be another short and sweet entry.  I've been running around all weekend getting read for a summer camp I am helping with, so I haven't had much time to obsess about my unhealthy body issues (thank god).  I've done okay with eating healthy this weekend, which is a fete, as I usually graze on snacks when I'm busy rather than getting in a real meal.  I haven't done great, but I've done okay.  And I can live with that.

I tried TRX today, and I have to say, it wasn't the fiasco I was anticipating.  It was hard.  Like, crazy hard.  I was shaking afterward and really felt like I had worked.  Overall, it was a good experience.  Unfortunately, the only day I can do it is Sunday, and then only if Ernie is off work.  So it isn't likely to become a regular thing.  But my body is healed enough to go back to body pump.  I do want to make that a regular thing.

Today I ate:

2 Waffles (Sunday brunch with the fam, so the unhealthy kind)
8 ounce green smoothie
Flat iron steak wrap
Rhubarb muffin

Exercise:

30 minute TRX class
30 minutes on the elliptical machine

Quick entry

Because it is too soon for me to start missing days, I am here for a quick update.  Today was my day off from the gym.  Saturdays work well because I can enjoy some family time in the evening without stressing about going.  Tomorrow I finally get to try TRX, since Ernie is off work (after three straight weeks without a single day off, it is going to be nice to have him home).  I'll let you know all about it.

Today I ate:

Apple cinnamon oatmeal (steal cut oats, unsweetened almond milk, apples, and cinnamon...mmm)
Pita chips and hummus
Chicken with balsamic glaze
Roasted sweet potatoes and red onions
1 rhubarb muffin

I didn't make a green smoothie today and I actually missed it.  It is like my morning treat.  But Lily had her heart set on oatmeal, and then we were gone for the rest of the day, so I never got a chance.  I definitely feel a difference in energy levels.